On days like today I can feel the anxiety building. I can physically feel it building in my body...I find it hard to concentrate, feel agitated and am emotionally unbalanced, like if one more thing happens I could crack.
This has been building over time. I've been feeling it for a few weeks, but in reality it's probably been building over months. And this is nothing new.
It isn't any one, or even couple of things in particular that lead to this. It is a shit load of small things that all accumulate over time. General busyness (I hate that word), spinning lots of plates, not having enough time at home to rest and restore, focusing on other people's needs and happiness, and not enough on my own.
It often feels like I can't get enough rest or sleep at these times. No matter what time I go to sleep and how much sleep I get I wake up tired and struggling to get out of bed. I'm guessing this one reason why I struggle to concentrate.
At times like this I tend to go to the other extreme and cocoon myself. I dig deep and push to get through the commitments I have, then crash and spend the evenings and weekends in bed resting to get back to my normal self.
I refer to this as my form of general anxiety disorder, and if I don't take notice of it, it can turn into panic attacks.
Tonight I'm going to have an early night, read a nice relaxing book in bed, and over the next weeks focus on myself and my self care routines. It's taken a long time for me to be ok with doing this. I used to feel so guilty for 'doing nothing', then I started giving myself permission, and now I find it a lot easier, but still struggles at times when there is so much I 'should' be doing.